Faith

I wrote this some time ago, figured it was a good day to share it.

I have been chastised over the way I treat people. People look at my actions and shake their heads criticizing my choices without knowing why I would act the way I do. They just don’t understand. It is not that I treat people badly, quite the contrary, I am overly generous. Now don’t misunderstand this, I am not trying to brag or make myself into something I am not, I am simply trying to show why I do the things that strike me as being right.

Not long ago I was sitting in my SUV waiting for someone when a person approached my passenger door. It was summer and so the window was down, this man said hello and then proceeded to tell me his story. He and his family had come to town for a job, but it had fallen through. Now he needed money in order to get back home since he was out of gas and had no way of getting any. I gave him ten dollars and he thanked me and went on his way. As I tell my friends and family about what happened ninety five percent of them shake their heads at me. “You were had.” “He suckered you.” “Throwing your money away.” Many versions of these statements were given to me from many different sources.

Perhaps they were right. The man might have walked off knowing he now had money for liquor, drugs, or whatever else he chose to spend it on. He may not have had a wife, kids, job, or car. He may have suckered me. But I don’t care. That’s right… I do not care.

I would rather give ten dollars to someone who may be using me than to give nothing to someone who might need it. I am not naïve. I know there is a chance, or even a likelihood that the money went for something other than what was told to me, but I choose to have faith in people. I choose to think that someone might be in trouble and need help because I know that if I were in a situation where I needed something I would want someone to be willing to help me. It does not work like that always, I know, but I have faith. I have seen people give all of themselves for others and I have seen people take all for themselves from others. I choose to be one of the former.

What about you? Is it that hard to be generous? Or kind? Or good?

Some things should be done for others without asking for a return.

Life Definitions

Passion - Find the things in your life that make you giddy. That make you a child again in your absolute joy in taking part in them.

Love - To have something or someone that it causes you to ache when parted and extreme joy when together.

Tranquility - A complete peace in both physical and emotion states.

Charity - To give of yourself with no thought of return.

Happiness - Something that lightens your spirit.

Hope - To know, even in darkest of hours, that times will be better. That possibilities abound.

Friendship - To have someone you love. Someone who understands. Someone who cares and who you care about beyond words.

Compassion - To feel emotion and pain for sorrows and trials that are not yours, to pick up others when they have fallen.


Would it not be good to define your life in such terms?

Respect

Respect. Some people deserve it, some don't. How do you tell the difference? The ones who deserve respect are the ones that give it. It has nothing to do with authority, money, job, or any other type of status. If someone does not show respect they are not deserving of it.

It sounds so simple, but it is not. It is not simple because you will always run into people who think they deserve your respect even though they are not willing to give it in return. The idea that you are OWED something is hard for me to grasp. The world only owes you what you are willing to put into it. Why should someone treat you with respect if you are not willing to reciprocate?

Respect is decency. Pure and simple. It is not a matter of bowing down or feeling someone is better. It means treating them as equal human beings. Not everyone is at an equal job, education, or financial level some are higher and some are lower, but everyone is a human being and deserve decency and respect for that, as long as they are willing to show it too. I have the utmost respect for all people until they do something that proves me otherwise. I do not owe anyone more than that, and they do not owe me any more. It is not that hard to do, it just isnt.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." Gandhi

Unwanted Things

"Welcome to the real world, where most of the time, things, don't go your fucking way." Gus - The Ref

Things don't always work out as planned or wanted. It may seem bad or painful at the time, but things like this can be viewed another way. They can be viewed as an opportunity.

Opportunity to experience something else, something beyond that which you wanted. Perhaps you will find something better. Perhaps there are things out there that you did not expect or know and are waiting. Things like that do happen.

It may also be an opportunity to find out who you are. Your strengths and your weaknesses. When something happens you did not want it challenges you to overcome, to adapt, and to examine how strong you really are. You may find that you have reserves of strength you did not know about, or you may find that things mattered more than you expected. These unexpected trials will cause you to look at yourself and come to a conclusion, what that conclusion is depends on you and the situation.

It is not a matter of survival, all situations can be tolerated and survived it is simply a matter of response and will. Even the darkest of moments can be overcome but it requires effort, strength, and time. Attitude is everything, if it is bad the more of the three are required, if the attitude is good it is less.

So... have a good attitude, take things as they come, make unwanted things challenges, and look for the good in all situations. Things aren't as bad as they seem sometimes, look at what you have, not what you have not. Even if you do not get what you want you may already have enough... more than enough... more than you could ever hope for... the best of something.

Poetry

Something I wrote when I was in high school... I think. It was then or earlier not really sure, seems like a long time ago.

I have a notebook with all kinds of things like this. I happen to still like this one. For once I will be brave and actually post it.

A fool and a coward are much the same
They both shrink in the face of responsibility
The fool does so out of ignorance
The coward out of fear

A lover and a hero are much the same
They both risk for the possibility of reward
The lover for a moment of feeling
The hero for the sake of others

"The man is either mad, or making verses." Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) Book II Satire VII

Fire

We all have the fires of passion within us. What we are passionate about is what separates us from each other. We all have that one thing that when we are a part of it we become truly alive inside. If we are lucky it is something that we can find someone who understands and is passionate about similar things. Our passions show who we truly are, for at the moment we partake in such actions we are no longer hiding ourselves. It is not a matter of being the way others would have us, all such pretenses are lost. We free ourselves in our obsession with what drives us, losing the worry of perception.

It matters not what puts that fire in your soul. Maybe it is reading or cards, or money or sex or sports or nature or helping others. The subject is of no importance to outsiders as long as it is important to you. The subject does not apply to everyone, just the passion does. As Ernest Hemingway says in For Whom the Bell Tolls "There's no one thing that's true. Its all true."

The danger in this fiery passion comes from those who do not understand it. Those who would try and undermine our choices and say that we are foolish or wrong for what we are doing. They act this way and say these things because they do not fully understand the way it feels to be totally encompassed by something. Perhaps they have not yet found what moves them. Perhaps they have forgotten it long ago. For whatever reason they cease to believe in such things and therefore call anyone who does foolish. It may seem to some that they are correct, but it is not so and it is folly to believe them.

If the passion harms no one...

If the only wound may be to some perceived dignity or ego...

If the passion is true and it pains one to ignore it...

...the true folly would be to cease being passionate.

Highs and Lows

Life is full of things that will drive you down. Things that will hold you under until you feel as though you cannot breathe.

Life is also full of things that lift you high. Things that will take you to beyond joys you have known in the past and exceed them to the extreme.

Both are necessary.

If all we have is joy in our life it ceases to have meaning. How would you know you are happy if you do not know sorrow? Happiness becomes mundane if it is constant. Like the best tasting dish at the table, to eat is to savor, but if it is all that is consumed it loses its unique flavor. It becomes ordinary and as it does so we become unsatisfied with it. Being unsatisfied with the happiness we have will lead us to strive for more, perhaps to strive for the unattainable. A dangerous game to be sure. We must realize the pleasures we already have as our own.

The pains and sorrows we feel keep us in check with our happiness. It shows us how things may be worse, how things can go wrong for us. If we are lucky these pains are slight and do not pin us down for long. As bad as these times can be we need them. We need to know the darkest hours so we may embrace the light.

"Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed." Emily Dickinson

Luck

I believe in luck, I do. It comes and goes like most things in our lives. Sometimes we are lucky, good things happen to us for no apparent reason, they just do. Other times our good luck turns and we end up on the other end. It can happen to anyone, doesn't matter who you are. Now for as much as I rely on logic in my life believing in luck may seems strange, it may seem more so with the fact that I believe in lucky charms... not the cereal OK...

Everyone has items that make them feel good. For some reason the item gives them the idea that they are lucky, that good things will come their way. There is nothing wrong with that, and to some extent I think it works.

I do not think that the item on its own has any value of luck, instead I think it is the way that the person feels makes it lucky. Let me explain...

When you have an item that you believe to be lucky it can give you a positive attitude. You will feel a little more confident in your actions and therefore when you act it is with a better attitude.

With a better attitude comes better action. You may take try a little harder or look at things in a different way, and that can affect the outcome. Giving a little more effort and working towards things just a little bit more can make all the difference. If a "lucky" stone, ring, shirt, hat, etc. gives you that confidence to try, they work. The difference between success and failure can be as simple as how hard you try and the opportunities you seize. Being open to chance can be good luck in itself.

"When it comes to luck we make our own" Bruce Springsteen - Lucky Town

Walking an Edge

When walking a razors edge of emotion it is good to know you have friends who are there for you. Whether or not you need there help does not matter, what does is the fact that they are available and willing to help. Knowing that you can say what you need to, and show your rawest emotions is help enough. It relieves the pressure of having to hide emotions or thoughts. Only someone who truly cares is able to allow such comfort.

I have a host of true friends and am very thankful for them.

"Think where man's glory most begins and ends,
And say my glory was I had such friends." - William Butler Yeats

Strength

Strength is endurance. Now, I know there is the whole physical strength thing and that is fine, but, to me, emotional and mental strength is much greater.

Physically we have things thrust upon us each day, having to carry things, walk places, lift heavy items etc. but for most of us our true limitations of physical strength are never reached. We are rarely put into a situation where we have to lift 400lbs by ourselves, so the ability to do so is rather moot.

Emotions and mental challenges come and go like the wind. Through our days we have to deal with people, problems, stress, and all the other tasks we need to accomplish to get us through our day. These things keep piling up and piling up on us. We can pick away at them and if we are lucky they never amount to anything we can not handle. The problem is that at any given moment something may happen to bring our emotional or mental strength to its limits. Everything from the car not starting when you have that all important job interview to someone you love being hurt can tear a person down. Our mental strength is all that we have to get us through such times. It can beat us down to the point of tears but we can keep plugging through, we have to.

There are things that can be too much for anyone to handle. It is at these moments when our world is crashing down that only the strongest make it through with minimal scars. The strongest bear it all because they understand one very important thing... pride and ego are a luxury that not all of us can afford. They are able to lay pride down and ask for help. It is not easy to do, I am very guilty of avoiding such things and it has gotten me into trouble in the past. To be able to ask for help from someone, whether it be a loved one or a total stranger is important. True strength is shown in the ability to endure the hardship of admitting you cannot do it alone.

"Through endurance we conquer." - Ernest Shackleton's family motto.

Be Present

Just another something that passed through my mind at work today.

There is no past. There is no future. There is only the present.

The past is gone, sure we can remember it, hopefully learn from it, but we can not relive it or change it. There is nothing we can do about it.

The future is not guranteed. Sure we can plan, and it is not always a bad thing to do, but there is no set future, too many things can interfere. Making reservations when going out of town is a good idea, but if something happens and you end up going nowhere the reservations were pointless. We can plan all we want but can not know for certain those plans will come about.

So what does that leave us? It leaves us the present. A friend of mine, Kathleen (thank you), has quoted to me several times from Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now... "There is never a moment that is not right now." I am learning to agree with this.

I have had two experiences in my life of absolute presence. I was completely in the moment, thinking of nothing else than my surroundings and the current situation I found myself. I will not go into details on these, it is something I am saving for myself.

I will say this about one of the moments... it surprised me, and did so because it was at a time when I should have been questioning everything. I should have been scared, nervous, embarrassed, and a number of other things, instead I was completely calm and present. I was not worried about things, everything was just as it was with no thoughts of anything else. It was tranquility defined.

To find that moment is not always easy, but when it comes it is something to be held onto. Try it sometime.

Anger

Anger is a true emotion. It is a healthy emotion, as most are. It is in the expression of that anger that problems begin. To say or do things out of anger can lead us to places we do not wish to go, we may lower ourselves to a point where we trade our anger at others for disappointment in ourselves. Sometimes it is best to ignore those who have done something to anger us. Those that have done us wrong have hurt us, but by letting it go we show that we are the stronger of the two.



Letting things go is something I am working on, and will probably have to continue to work on in the future. I am getting better at it but it is an ongoing process.



To put more negativity into the world will do no one any good. Creating an atmosphere of tension or anger keeps it on you, you have to live in the world you create, it can be positive or negative based on your reactions. It is good to express anger, but it must be done in a way that is healthy to you. The person who stimulates the anger is the focus, but any reaction is yours to live with. To be angry with someone for a time and to express it can help, but only in its ability for us to be done with the problem. We express our anger in a good way and we can move on, express it in a bad way and the atmosphere will be permeated with tension. As Marcus Aurelius says in The Meditations "What injures the hive injures the bee."


We have a choice in our reactions. We do not HAVE to respond in any certain way. The strongest of us choose a path of integrity.

Friends

A true friend sees flaws and is willing to look past them, not accepting them as excuses but rather as challenges to be overcome. A true friend spends time and energy making someone better. A true friend is unconditional. A true friend is for life with connections that can not be broken because they offers forgiveness and acceptance in all things.

Words

It is not what we say that makes the difference it is what we do. Words can have power and meaning, but they gain this power by our actions or lack thereof. To tell someone you will do something and follow through with action will show you to be trustworthy, honest, etc. To make that same promise without action would show you to be the opposite.

You can say anything you want there is nothing to stop you, but something to keep in mind is the weight your words will have and what you do to prove them true or false.

What you say carries with it your emotions and thoughts all on its own. To viciously attack someone with words shows what you are thinking and until you do something to prove otherwise those words will stay.

If you have no intention of proving your words true then it would be best to say nothing at all.

"I say what I mean, and I do what I say." Vincent Hannah - Heat

Planning

Plan everything. Each day is set and all the events and things that need to be done are mapped out ready to go. If things are planned then things will run smoothly and everything will work our perfectly... except they don’t!

I was a planner. Every time I went to do something I had a clear picture in my head of everything I would do and how it all would go. The problem with thinking like that is things do not go as planned. I was constantly being disappointed. No matter how much planning unforeseen events always can occur. People do not always react the way you think they will, events do not always go as scheduled, and nature does have a way of interfering and you know what... that is ok. It is.

Imagine never having a surprise. Never having that unknown feeling in your gut about what is going to happen next, never having an adventure. Sad.

I am a fan of information. Knowing is better than not knowing when it comes to things like not feeling well, why my car won't start, and other such things. But always knowing what is going to happen and how things are going to pan out makes for quite a boring time.

As Lauren Bacall said in an interview "The planned life is a dead one."

I have learned in the past few years to embrace a sense of adventure in not planning. I find myself in situations where I would not have been had my days continued to be planned, and my life has been better for it. It makes me cringe to think about the things I would have been missing. There have been downs to go along with the ups, but the adventures continue to be worth it all.

The bottom line is we do not always know how things will work out and so to try and plan them all is pointless. Instead why not just enjoy where the little steps in life take us?

Moment

"When a defining moment comes along, you define the moment or the moment defines you." - Roy McAvoy - Tin Cup

After reading this quote I got to thinking about what defining moments I have experienced in my life. I have had a few. The moments themselves are unimportant, it is more about my reactions to the situation that need to be examined. When we are put to the test it is either pass or fail, there really isn’t a middle of the road here.

One of my experiences has to deal with a kiss. I have never been one to pick up on signs, specifically signs of flirting, so it would tend to be dangerous to lay a kiss on a girl. What if I am misreading the signs? What if she isn’t really interested in me? What if... what if... what if...

So the situation presented itself and I was put to a decision. The girl I had been talking to all night was sitting at a table when I told her I had to leave. She pouted her lips in an over exaggerated way. Now, my first thought was to kiss her, then I thought some more and more and more and more. "What ifs" started to take hold. Then a crystal clear thought entered my mind "So what if you are wrong, it'll still be worth it" So I kissed her... twice. Was very good. Nothing more ever happened, I had to go and so it remained. Was still good. The defining moment came and I feel I passed. Passing had nothing to do with the fact that she didn’t belt me for kissing her. I passed because I took the moment and was brave enough to take a chance. Even if I had walked out of the bar with a red welt on my cheek it would have been worth it. To know I did not let fear of rejection, embarrassment, or anger stop me. That is passing.

So what moments define you? Pass or fail? Think about it. If you don’t like the answers change your actions the next time. We all have the ability to change, but it takes a little work and a lot of guts sometimes.

Good luck.

Regret

In True at First Light Ernest Hemingway says "...we had come to the point where we both regretted things we had not done rather than those we had..." How true that statement is.

It is not that we should try everything that comes along regardless of consequences, but rather we should determine if those consequences are indeed that dire or important. Embarrassment? Possible injury? Objections from others? At what point do these things matter and at what point do we ignore them for the opportunity at something great?

The fear of rejection at telling someone "I love you" may be strong enough to seal our lips, but should it? What is in that rejection that causes us to lose out on an opportunity for the greatest thing in the world? It is a chance, failure may be in the cards, but it is worth the risk. Imagine spending the rest of your life wondering "what if". A rejection for a moment, or a lifetime of questions. Regret is the hardest of all things to live with.

I vaguely remember my past mistakes and kiss offs. They are there, but mostly forgotten and unimportant. My regrets on the other hand haunt me in my dreams. To think of what could have been had I only had a moment of courage. To speak my mind without compromise could have been the greatest thing. Instead I am destined to repeat the silence of my tongue nightly as I try and sleep.

Think about it.

The Name

To start with I suppose I should explain the name of this blog. Well, I work in a room that has white walls, a white ceiling, and white floors. On top of all that it also has 30 flourescent lights in the ceiling. It is bright and white and has a tendency to make the occupants a little off tilt. My brother calls it The White Room, after the Eric Clapton song. It seems to fit.

To add to my insanity I work by mself. I like it, but it tends to give a person a lot of time to think, especially in a job that does not require a temendous amount of brain activity. So I think, and most of what I type here will be thoughts that originated at work. I cant say that they will all be good, agreeable, or coherent... but it should be a lot of fun.

Cheers.